Helpful Reading

As I was typing yesterday's post about "memorable moments", I realized how much I've changed in how I handle those moments.  Even a few months ago, I probably would have at least ranted and raved at the kids in the car after we left the library.  Yet yesterday I found myself staying calm and even laughing with Chris about when I got home.  The difference can in part be attributed to a book Chris and I have been re-reading.

First, a little background on how we found the book.  A couple years back, we were listening to an online lecture by "Mark Hamby" founder of "Lamplighter Publishing".  In his lecture, he highly recommended a book called "Families where Grace is in Place" by Jeff VanVonderen.  As we re-read this book this year, Chris summed it up with the comment "This is a book we need to re-read every year."  This is not a "How-To" parenting/living with others book, but more of a "Why" and "What's the proper mind set" book.  It sets the stage for the "How-To" book referred to by this book; and this is the book we are currently reading.

The book is called "Self Esteem A Family Affair" by Jean Clarke.  This book goes through how to deal with children at each developmental stage to help build self-esteem.  One of the many things I like about this book is that it gives you two different ways to do things; Nurturing or Structured, and both are fine.  It's not an "only do it this way or you'll fail" type book.  It also gives examples in each situation of the two ways NOT to parent; Marshmallowing and Critical.  I have to admit my default is Critical, but that's another thing I like about the book - it really reinforces grace.  Just because you've not been an ideal parent or person during certain stages, you can re-do those stages and get back on track.  The three key tools of the book are: Affirmations, Strokes and Visualization.  They have specific affirmations to use at each stage.  For instance, the affirmation "Your needs are okay with me" for the 0-6mo. stage has really helped me not get frustrated during the late night cluster feeds.  Each chapter takes time to digest and often I need to re-read them to really start to own what they discuss.  I literally have read dozens of books on parenting, some I gleamed a little from, some I totally discarded and others we tried because "everyone" said they were the way, but they never felt right so we quit (sometimes for good reason).  Everything about this book feels right and when you start to implement the ideas (some are a bit awkward at first), it really starts to feel right.  The approach is all positive but not wimpy, there are boundaries but without accusations and shame.  When I have a conflict with the boys, even with my two year old in the library, I come out feeling effective and not regretting what I said as I replay the event in my head.  The ideas are 180 from how we were raised and certainly don't come naturally.  We really have to work at finding affirming ways to say things sometimes, occasionally look at each other to see if we are saying it right, and help as needed.  And of course we still fall back into our old habits occasionally, in which case we do what we've always done; apologize to the boys for how we handled things, explain what we as parents should have done, then let it go and try to do the next right thing.  I would highly recommend this book. I believe the longer we use it the more apparent the fruit will be.

Two Year Old Memorable Moments

Chris and I had to explain to Lance and Jared today why we were laughing at something they definitely didn't find funny yesterday.  We explained that in life sometimes you just have to laugh because its better than the other emotions the situation logically calls for.  It was one of those memorable two year old moments, Lance and Jared have had them, and now Titus officially had one.

Lance's memorable moment happened at Target.  I was shopping for some maternity pants and he was right at my side, then he was suddenly gone.  I panicked, I started yelling his name and them moving about frantically looking for him.  A Target employee quickly came up to me and asked if I'd lost my son, when I affirmed she declared a "Code Blue" into her walkie-talkie and asked me to describe him.  A few minutes later he came out from inside the clothing rack I'd been standing near.  Apparently he had gone inside to poop in peace.  He always went somewhere to hide to poop in his diaper, and I guess he was too busy to answer my calls.  I later found out a "Code Blue" locks down every exit from Target, no kids can leave till the missing child is found.  I was impressed with the program, though a little embarrassed at the inconvenience it caused.

Jared's memorable moment happened at the Central Florida Zoo.  We were all walking together in the butterfly garden.  The boys asked to go around a short loop by themselves.  Lance came back but he was missing Jared.  It was a loop, so Chris went one way with Lance and I went the other, we still don't know how Jared got past us.  Of course the garden was near a muddy creek that was deeper than normal due to heavy rains.  When we couldn't find him on the path we split up and started to search the zoo. I kept going back to the creek terrified he was in the muddy water somehow.  Unlike Target, the people at the zoo had no interest in helping us find him.  Chris eventually found back by the monkeys we had been watching earlier. Apparently, he'd heard the Howler Monkey howl again and wanted to see.  We had lost a few more years of off our lives and gained more unneeded grey hair.

So that brings me to yesterday.  I will preface this story with the reminder that Titus still insists on sleeping in our room and therefore has not gotten enough sleep the past four weeks.  I had just fed Amber and decided that I wanted to take the boys to the library instead of Chris.  We were on a short timetable (we had an hour max before she wants to feed again), so I stayed out front to return the books due today (the return machine is outside the front door), and sent the boys in to start looking at books (kids section is right inside the front door).  I reminded them to stay together, as I have many times before without incident.  It should have been fine, I was standing near the only exit to the library.  Of course, one of the books wouldn't scan so what should have taken me 30 sec. to do dragged on a little longer.  When I entered the library Lance was practically tackling Titus, Titus was screaming and the library manager was standing near by.  I quickly went and took Titus and sat him in timeout, tried to remind him to use his words but screaming continued to be his chosen form of communication.  The library manager then came up to me and told me they were concerned he was being kidnapped and basically asked us to leave.  I had Lance and Jared gather up their books, we checked out and left.  To Lance and Jared's credit they took it very well.  I explained to Titus he would not be allowed back in the library for a while.  He asked "why" and I explained how he needs to be quiet and use his words at the library.  The upside was we made it round trip in less than 30 min. so Amber was still asleep when we got home.

Wonder what Amber's memorable moment will be?  Do your kids have any "memorable moments"?

Homeschooling Lite

It was in "The Plan" to take off a few weeks when Amber arrived.  However, it was not in the plan that we would start that time off two weeks before because I injured my back or that we would have family visiting three weeks after she was born.  Thus a few weeks has turned into more than a few.  However, I am calming myself by reminding myself we live in a state where the only standard is that my children "show progress", not that we finish every page of their curricula by year end.  

That said here is what we've been managing to do:

• Classical Conversation Video Review - I have the boys watch the most recent week and two other weeks each day.  Creating those videos has been a life saver, not sure they'd know any of their memory work otherwise.
• Christian Liberty Press Nature Readers - I have the boys read to me each day from these readers and then I have them narrate back to me what they read.  They don't even realize its school work they are both so excited about reading these books and they are retaining all they learn.  I have Jared (Age 6) reading from Book 1 and Lance (Age 8) I started with Book 2.
• Piano - After over a year of trying I have finally found the way to motivate my children to practice on their own....."Peer Pressure/Competition".  My children started out their piano lessons about four months before their two best friends started joining us for lessons on Thursdays.  However, their friends are practicing daily and are starting to catch-up with them in their books because my children were not practicing.  When I pointed this out last week, bingo they've practiced five days this week :-)
• Logic - The i pads are serving their purpose of educational entertainment.  The "games" provide both CC geography review and logic/problem solving practice.  I try to limit their use to an hour or so a day.
• Typing - When I asked my friend who is teaching CC Essentials this year, "If you could do anything to prepare your son for Essentials next year, what would it be?" she said "Teach him to type."  I had tried to do this before but neither of us were very motivated, this was the motivation I needed.  I am using two online programs.  The first is a traditional approach, the same way those of us who learned on type writers were taught.  I like this approach because I think it best ingrains the muscle memory.  After three lessons, Lance was at 21wpm on the home keys.  Here's that link:  http://www.powertyping.com/qwerty/lessonsq.html  The second program Brandy from Half-Hundred Acres mentioned she was using "Dance Mat Typing": http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/typing/  This is a fun site.  I let Lance do this site after finishing a lesson on the "traditional" site, I think its a great reinforcement and motivation to practice.
• Various Reading and Art projects - A friend gave us an old set of Children's Encyclopedias that Lance has been devouring.  Both boys have enjoyed gathering up books with Daddy on Saturday at the library too.  My plans to start formal art program have fallen by the wayside (again) sort of like my continual attempts to start daily devotions (we never make it past Monday with my "new plan" each week).

Next week I hope to add two more things:

• Calculadder and AlphaBetter - 2 min. Math Mastery Drills and 4 min. Alphabetizing Drills, its amazing though how hard it is to find 6 min in my day. 
• Penmanship/Bible Memory Work - For Lance I have "Pentime 3" to practice his cursive.  For Jared I will probably mirror Lance's lessons but make the worksheets myself, because I want to use the D'Nealian Script with him till he's ready for cursive.

Two Week Update

Two weeks after having a fourth baby at 40, I'm starting to see a glimmer of hope, that it is conceivable that I will survive.  I wasn't seeing any hope a week ago :-P

Her first week was full of the normal stuff: hormonal overload, physical exhaustion and breakdowns.  Thankfully, Chris was around for most of it and my friends the rest of it.  I was engorged at day three, brought a cooler upstairs that night and spent the night alternating cabbage and ice packs between feedings. Amber got a clogged tear duct, luckily due to previous experience with Titus, I was able to take care of quickly.

See playing dress up is not just a girl thing.

Amber has been ruling the house with her appetite.  Titus has been running the house by going over, under, and through it at mach 2.  He's been incredibly excited and sweet with Amber, but he's also been screaming whenever he gets frustrated instead of using his words. Lance tries to be a benevolent dictator and has also been an incredible help.  Jared prefers to do his own thing.  He has a tough time with change, but he came around to really like Titus and I'm sure he will with Amber too....in time. There is nothing like a drastic change to reveal the "holes" in parenting. The shoulda-woulda-coulda's are piling up and new challenges come and go.  Chris and I, above all, need to set the example to our children. It's sometimes extremely difficult, but slowly, surely, a new normal will emerge.

This week, now that I'm more mobile, we've been taking walks after lunch each day.  On Monday, the boys went on a hunt for rocks to hold down their "ant habitat" on the sidewalk. Yesterday, we actually made it to the park for a little bit.  Being outside in this cool weather has been great for everyone.

Chris commented the other night that "Amber really completes our family."  I have to agree, despite my little fit at the original shock, I'm so glad we are finishing out our family with a little girl.  I just wish everyone would stop assuming that we were "trying for a girl", I find it so insulting to our boys.  It's like they are saying we never wanted boys and they were mistakes we got stuck with till we had a girl.  I love my boys and I'm so glad they all came as they did.  God always knows best.  Someday I'll learn to just trust him from the beginning.