Keeping it real....

My kids seem to take turns making me feel like a complete failure as a parent.  I guess I should be thankful that they don't gang up all at once.  As I look back on the year to issues with a different son, I know this challenging period with another son will also pass but it's hard see sometimes from the middle of it all.  

I've read so MANY books on different theories of child training since my oldest was born, I'm saturated in their theories.  Half the theories lack implementation details and others don't seem to work with my kids or with me, not sure which.  Only thing that rings true is from a devotional that I've been reading which simply states the purpose of life is "receiving God's love, and then channeling that love into the lives of those around us....God wants me to be a caring person".  Not as grandiose a purpose as can be found in many other popular sellers but I believe it might just be that humble and simple.  To me caring means putting the needs of others before my own, and then doing something about their needs.  I wasn't taught to be this kind of caring person but I need to be that person.  I think as a mother it starts with caring first for my family, they are the most important people God has put in my life and they need to take priority.  

I have great kids, compared to many others they are angels but its not my personality to settle or compare.  I hold myself and my boys to a higher standard, to be men of great character, that don't miss out on God's purpose and blessings for their life.  It's a tall order for someone who's missed out on so much and missed the purpose for so long, to lead those precious gifts down a road I've never traveled.  I think this is when homeschooling is really hard.  Your kids are with you 24/7, no break.  I'm not just their mother, house keeper, cook and chauffeur, I'm their teacher too.  However, on the flip side I don't think if they were in school I'd have any hope of helping mold them into the men they were meant to be.  There simply wouldn't be enough time.  

My husband recently told me of a different definition of complaining.  He said complaining isn't stating that things are wrong, that's just fact.  Complaining is wishing life was different, or in my words, not being content in the here and now.  So I guess I will go back downstairs, put a smile on my face and just love on my boys today in the here and now, try to leave the past in the past, and as Matthew writes "let tomorrow take care of itself".