Would you take it? (Feng Shui Part 1)

Feng Shui-ing is a regular and on-going activity in our house.  We have a small house with lots of people, if we didn't we'd drown. 

To Feng Shui or Simplify I ask myself and my family two questions:  Does it bring positive emotions and memories?  Would we take it with us if we moved?  The latter clears out the most stuff.  If you wouldn't move it you probably don't need it now either.

The next step is what do you do with the stuff you don't want?  Here are some ideas:

Sell it on Craigslist
I look at Craigslist as a garage sale without the hassle of setting it all up in your front yard.  This winter I posted 12 ads on Craigslist and so far I've sold everything on 11 out of the 12.  We sold everything from old printers, to bikes, to wooden hampers, etc.  I find one of the keys is that you list things in multiples of $20 so you don't have to make change.  Then you can use the cash for new things you do need, which we in part did, the rest we save for lessons.  It's like making a trade, one thing out before something new comes in.

Amazon Trade-In
I find many people are unaware of this program Amazon has, it is not consignment sales but a program where Amazon directly buys your books and DVDs paying the shipping also.  Generally you'll get garage sale prices (ie. $1-$2 per DVD) but I did get up to $12 for one DVD.  The key I've learned with the program is sell it too them quick.  When I've waited the price they are willing to pay has gone down or in some cases they were no longer interested in buying it at all anymore.  They post the credit to your account and automatically apply it to your next purchase.

Look for Community Sales
In our area we have two big sales that I have boxed stuff aside to sell at in the coming months.  The first is Hannah's Closet Sale at First Methodist Church of Winter Park(week of 2/18 this year), where I can get rid of anything "Kid".  I will be mainly selling toys.  We've narrowed down our toys to four main types; legos, blocks, FP Little People, games & puzzles, the rest has to go.  The second type of sale for us is the used curricula sale in May and June.  In your areas it may be a community garage sale or a private one of your own followed by a call to Am Vets, which brings me to the next category.

Donate or just trash
We donated an entire car load of stuff and threw away another car load of stuff that really was just trash.  Some we donated to friends, some to organizations (i.e. the library or Am Vets (they'll take nearly anything).  As an in-between solution, I find too if you put your trash out early the night before the "gathers" will come by and pick it up stuff before the trashmen (like rugs others won't take), which I guess is donating/recycling in a way too.

Chris was in charge of clearing the garage and attics.  The rest of the house was my territory, of course we helped each other along the way.  

(Pictures coming soon)

The end result of Chris' efforts to sort and organize, was an accessible garage that now doubles for a baseball practice facility.  Titus is out there right now hitting the heavy bag with his bat.  Great for muscle building, skill building and frustration/energy release.  It will also assure that no matter what the weather this Spring, Lance and Matthew will always have baseball practice since they have their own personal batting/pitching cage.  And a side benefit is an ant free garage attic, apparently they were living in some cardboard boxes.

In the house we added foam tiles (which look like wood) to the entire back room for Amber's safety and the enjoyment of everyone.  The boys now wrestle and play without worry of clunking on the hard tile floor.  We also bought a cute little desk for me in the lego room, finally getting my computer and printer out of the coat closet, Yay!

The hardest things left are the little things, like boxes of photographs and old keepsakes.  I find those have to be done in small chunks over and over again over the years.  As I get older the memories I cherish change and I find I do not need so many things to remember them by.

The house now feels much lighter, literally and emotionally. Trust me its well worth the effort.

Thanksgiving Feng Shui!

As we approach the Thanksgiving Holiday, gather the troops and take some time to "Feng Shui" the house.  You'll be so glad you did!  Trust me!

What do I mean by "Feng Shui" the house?  Well, let me explain.  My definition of Feng Shui is ridding your house of anything that gives you negative feelings, it can be simple clutter that drives you nuts or that ugly chair from Great, Great, Aunt Agnes.  What ever it is get rid of it!  You'll be amazed at the sense of peace that will slowly fill you the more stuff you get rid of, plus with Christmas around the corner cleaning out some space before more things come in might be a needed exercise.

Here's how I suggest going about it in the macro and micro forms.

Micro First:

EMAIL - Go through your trash folder and unsubscribe from all emails you get that you never read.  If that doesn't work mark them as "junk" or put them on your blocked senders list.  Opening your emails after this will be much more pleasant.

CATALOGS:  Most of us know which catalogs we are going to buy from and many now have online versions of their catalogs.  As you get catalogs this season take a moment, put them in a pile and once a week take a few minutes to call them and ask them to stop sending.  Your mailbox will thank you.

MACRO LEVEL:

Choose a room or choose a drawer....

First question to ask do I need this?  If the answer is "no" get rid of it, in the trash or in a donation box but start it moving out of your house.

If your answer is "yes, I need this?  Then ask yourself "why?"

• If its because its a family treasure but it doesn't fit in with your decor or it gives you the creeps pass it onto a relative who would like it, but pass it on.
• If its because you think you might need it.  Ask yourself if you've used it in the last year?  If the answer is "no" its doubtful you'll ever use it so clear that space, especially if its something you could borrow from a friend or repurchase easily if you ever did need it.
• If its treasures from you or your kids, take out the camera.  My kids have learned to simply ask me to take a picture and then they are happy to part with their latest find or art work.  If you want, you can even take all those pictures at the end of the year and make a scrap-book for each kid (I need to do this some day with my pictures I know the boys would love it).

Now if the answer is still "yes", then ORGANIZE!  Make a special place for it that you can find it when you need it.  This is true of hand-me-down clothes to everything else.  There's no point saving it if you don't know where it is when you need it.

There, now though your belly may grow from all the tasty treats you eat over this yummy holiday (mine always does), you can at least be comforted knowing your house is a little thinner and infinitely more peaceful.

Whole Foods & Sunshine

After watching the video about GMO foods, a friend asked, "So what can I eat?".  The simple answer is "anything from Whole Foods", they don't allow any food into their store with GMOs or artificial sweeteners.  The next question of course is "How do I afford it?".  The answer to that is multi-fold.  The way I have always looked at it, we can either spend money on healthy food now or on health bills later.  We look for the 365 brand (Whole Foods in-house brand) or in the bulk bin section to save money. Also, Whole Foods does have flyers with coupons in the store. We buy what we can online for less and also cutting back on meat will save a lot of money.

I really like going to Whole Foods.  I am there almost every Sunday morning with Titus. It is our date time and often the highlight of my week.

As we walk in, we greet Jessie or Brandon at Customer Service to let them know we are there. They call back to have the cases we need each week brought up while we shop.  They know us and its nice.

As we enter produce, sometimes we run into Mr. Steve who will give Titus a piece of fruit to eat.  We talk to him a bit about his week, his latest vacation or his son.  Next we say "Hi" to Mr. Gary, who knows all about the unusual fruits they have.  Sometimes he even convinces us to try something new or we just exchange a happy smile.

Nathan smiles and says "Hello" in the supplement area, and there's Alex in the frozen section.  We have even convinced Mr. Frank to smile on occasion in Dairy.

As we pull up to check out, we look for pretty Svitlana's aisle.  We talk to her about her son, their week, etc.  She asks to see pictures of the baby and asks about our week.  Gareth is always quick to help with bagging up, remembering to keep the fragile stuff all in one bag.  As he helps us out to the car, we talk again about life; his and ours.  If we have a lot of stuff or he's busy, Bri and Neal are always quick to jump in and help with a smile. 

These are just the people we see most often; my "peeps" as Chris calls them.  There are many others we share smiles with, especially on the days we go at a different time.  This time spent sharing smiles and a few moments, brings sunshine to my days.

I wonder if everyone took the time to say a kind word or exchange a smile with the people they see, how the world might change for the better.  If we simply read the name tags they wear, and called people by name, would the world have more "sunshine"?

Lately, I feel more connected to the people in the shadows of this video, than those dancing but I'd sure like to dance more.  Here's to us all having more sunshine in our lives and spreading a little sunshine with our smiles!

Moon Walk

One of the things I love about my husband and children is their appreciation for the simple but marvelous things in life.  On his way home from baseball practice, Chris calls me to say we all need to get outside and see the moon.  The moon was huge and orange.  

I was nursing so we didn't run out, but Chris rushed us out when he got home.  We walked down the street to get a better vantage point.  Jared found two toads.  

At first the moon was behind some clouds but the boys were more than happy to wait for it to reappear.  

On the way home we were greeted by a Cuban Tree Frog on our front porch.  The pictures don't do the evening justice but they capture the moment as a family appreciating God's majesty in his creation.  The evening reminded me that even in the city you can have a nature walk from time to time.

Sheltering too much?

Over the years, people have raised their concern that we shelter our children too much.  My response has always been the same; if sheltering them too much is the worse thing I have done when I get to heaven....I'm alright with that.  

We do our best to keep our children "in the world but not of it".  Now that doesn't mean we are trying to be "Amish", though I have to admit I greatly admire the Mennonites.  It just means we try to let them keep their innocence as long as possible.

This is not an easy task in our media driven society.  We don't avoid technology, actually quite the opposite, but that we try to control its usage in our home.  For instance, broadcast television has been out of our house since Lance was less than two.  When Chris wants to watch sports he does so over the internet which minimizes, if not eliminates commercials, when they do pop up we can just turn off the monitor for a moment or have the boys turn around.  We've never taken them to a movie theater.  All books and movies they watch at home have to be pre-screened by Chris or I.  We look for poor role modeling and negative imitative behavior.

However, even with our best efforts, trouble still sneaks into our home.  Take for instance "Thomas the Tank Engine" and "Davy and Goliath" DVDs.  We thought these would be fine, but the formula of 20 minutes of problems and poor behavior and 20 seconds of solution equaled trouble in our house.  The boys missed the solution and started imitating the poor behavior of Davy and the "troublesome trucks".  So much so that we had to get rid of all of them.  Another series we eventually had to get rid of was "Veggie Tales". In addition to Bob's bad attitude, we started to see the problem with mixing the truth of the Bible with the fantasy of the Veggie Tales world.  The boys were starting to get confused which was the true story.  Last thing we wanted was the boys to view the Bible as a story instead of God's spoken work or the "History book of the universe".

We believe strongly that we are completely responsible for what our little ones "see, hear, touch and taste".  Ironically, despite the seemingly extreme measures we take, I'm frequently filled with guilt about all the times/areas we fall short and the world creeps in and we give in a little. 

Despite the won and lost battles, I get my reward daily by how well my boys play together and with their little sister.  My almost nine year old is not too cool to play with his little brothers the way they want to play and to watch the shows they want to watch.

The other day I received a special reward.  A glimpse that we are doing something right.  We checked out a "Blue Planet" DVD from the library and the boys were all excited to watch it.  Lance opens it up and gets even more excited shouting, "Mom! Look at how beautiful the blue is on this disc!".  He then proceeds to run around the house showing the disc to everyone for them to see how beautiful it is.  I look at the disc, smile, nod and I think to myself "No, YOU are beautiful".  

It may seem like a silly story to other people but the preciousness of this moment nearly brought me to tears.  It makes up for all the days when I feel like giving in completely.  The path is narrow but its worth traveling.

 Just a funny pic I found of Titus at one in a cupboard, reminds me of a Godzilla movie :-)

Safari

Early last week, I came downstairs to find Lance looking up the word "Safari" in our 1828 Noah Webster dictionary.  He said couldn't find it and sure enough it wasn't in that dictionary. We decided to find out how old the word was and it turns out it didn't become part of the English language until the 1890s. The work has Swahili/Arabic origins and means "journey".  Looking back on the last few weeks, I found it very aprepo. 

Jared's last SVT was December 21.  Though we managed to avoid the ER by the skin of our teeth, it was the proverbial last straw for me.  My body broke down. I got a cold the next day and it lasted over two weeks.  The entire situation took a toll on my spirit as well.  Having your son endure three life-threatening events in four-month period can wear a person down. 

I've mentioned before that I have control issues - I'm a fixer by nature.  Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do to fix Jared and the doctors said there's nothing they can really do either at this point. It's hard for a fixer to accept that all they can do is Trust in the Lord and I'm no exception.  As a result, I have frequently felt abandoned by God despite the abundant blessings He has given us; like our four beautiful children.  

Over the last two years my hope/faith had been growing a little, maybe trusting in the Lord was enough. Jared seemed to be thriving. His activity levels were high.  He had fun this past summer swimming and playing with his brothers.  I started to hope again that one of these days I would go to the cardiologist and find out my prayers had been answered and Jared was miraculously healed. These episodes have made it more difficult but I will always keep praying for a miracle. 

Today, I saw Chris pull Jared down into his lap and hug him so tight Jared was laughing and complaining. I could see the tears in Chris' eyes.  When Jared left the room he said: "Sometimes I wonder if this is the last time." I nodded and said I know.  Knowing I'm not alone on this journey is both a blessing and a source of pain.  It's hard to see such pain in the eyes of someone you.  We both put on a good show of strength, but it is still just a show.  

A friend gave me a little ray of hope last Sunday.  I told her I was switching Jared back to his old liquid vitamins.  I said when I went to re-order them the other day, I had the sudden thought maybe I shouldn't keep Jared on them.  I explained I had switched the boys to new liquid vitamins early this summer because they had ionized minerals that help to detox the body and improve focus.  I was pleased with the vitamins and they seemed to be helping.  The thought that made me stop giving them to Jared was "what if they were doing their job too well and decreasing the effectiveness of Jared's medications?"  My friend said she thinks those moments are the Holy Spirit talking to us.  I'd never thought of random ideas that way, but it is comforting knowing that God is still talking to me. I just need to listen and trust more. 

Jared has definitely been more spacey this week as a result (mental confusion is also a side effect of one of his drugs.)  But if the SVTs don't return, I can cope with his spaceiness with patience and grace. I'm hoping to move forward with our journey again this week.  Our lives must go on as normal as possible for Jared and the sake of our three other children.  Chris and I have always said "We don't want our children to survive, we want them to thrive!".  To do that we must get back to enjoying every part of the journey, wherever it leads.

Next Right Thing

I have kept a journal since I was a young girl. As a child, it was my way of venting.  After I married Chris, I got rid of all those old journals. I decided my journal should be a way to record everything good in our lives. I've done a decent job of keeping a journal over
the last 15 years - until January of 2010. The last two years have been rough on many levels.  I've had a hard time seeing the sun through the clouds and my journal reflects that by having very few entries.  It fills me with guilt all the wonderful moments with my boys I never recorded and have already forgotten. We can't change the past and as our pastor says: "all we can do the next right thing". 

This last week hasn't been any easier, new challenges pop up and life is still tough. But if I keep waiting for life to improve, I'm going to keep missing the rays of sunshine that make rainbows in the clouds.  From now on, I'm going to do things differently.

I'm going to use my nice new hot pink iPhone to capture those special moments so I'll have them to write down later. My blog is going to change from a homeschooling resource, to a journal of my family's adventures through life. And I can post lots of pictures. Yay! "They" say a picture is worth a thousand words, but sometimes no words can do justice to what happens in the lives of my boys. 

I want to change how we live life in order to increase the chances of having more happy moments to record. I will change homeschooling to being just one part of our life, not it's main focus.  To do this, I plan to continue our gravitation towards a more Charlotte Mason approach to homeschooling.  I am going to plan more field trips and have the boys experience what they have learned. 

I want to bring FUN back into our daily lives and enjoy the simple moments to play when the moment strikes us.  I've done more of this lately and I already see a difference in the boys. Finally, I plan to remove the burdens we have inflicted on our lives.

My next entry starts this journey and I will include a little catch-up on the highlights of 2011. Stay tuned!

Help me! My auto-ship is out of control! Oh, and the rest of my life too!

A friend came over to help out today, so I was feverishly working on the computer to fix a problem with my "Amazing Grass" auto-ship.  They, of course, don't wake-up for another three hours, so I was trying to send a detailed email.  They have a new website and its just not working very well for me.  I'm typing against the clock (i.e. little Amber's clock) and check my email.  It was an auto-ship notification from Amazon.com that I wasn't expecting and did not want: 24 boxes of Mac & Cheese.  We still have 8 boxes from the last order, when the boys were eating it a lot and their buddies came over before practice last spring. It is a bit too much.

That sort of sums up the last week, life is a bit out of control :-)

Despite herculean efforts to convince baby Amber she needed to make her appearance on October 14th (because it was Chris' birthday and he wanted to share it with her) or at least over the weekend (because my OB was on call).  She had no interest in our time table, not one contraction.  We had cleared the calendar of baseball games and everything else, we were ready for her but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  I had two OB appointments on October 14th to "stir things up" and our friend was at the house for the day to take care of the boys.  My husband and I ended up having two dates, one for lunch and one for dinner and a lot of time spent together in-between.  I can't remember the last time we had even one date.  During our day we really got a chance to re-connect, talking like a married couple, not just a mom and dad on furlough.  Instead of welcoming our new little girl to our home over the weekend, we had some great family time and got the house totally in order (including catching up on laundry!).

Then on her actual due date, October 18th, things started to pick-up speed.  None of my children have come within three days of their due date, one was late by 10 days, so I totally didn't expect anything to happen for another week.  My contractions were strong and five minutes apart around 12:30pm and would slow down a little by 5pm, but by 7pm we were on the way to the hospital with them between 1 and 3 minutes and increasing in strength.  I've never been in the hospital for more than 90 minutes before delivering and the fourth baby is suppose to come quicker right? Wrong!  Apparently she didn't want to come on her due date either.  After 14 hours of labor she finally made her appearance at 2:19am on October 19th.  When she did decide to come out, she came so fast, the doctor didn't make it in time, and with one nurse only having one glove on to catch and another nurse just putting on two gloves in time to "block", she basically slid out onto the bed. :-)

Isn't she beautiful?!  Right out of the oven.

The boys came by later that day to visit and well these pictures says it all - chaos!

She's over a week old now and "no" we are not settled into a routine and I never thought we would be this soon anyway.  We did our school work all summer long to have our break now and that's what we'll probably do for a few more weeks.
Here are a few pictures of our beautiful girl from her first mini photo-session with her Daddy.

Bountiful Blessings

Friday, September 30th was one of those days that feels like a year packed into 24 hours.

OUR DAY

It started out with a heavy duty dream early in the morning.  Basically the dream was this: a man kept going ahead of me fixing everything from potholes in the road (smoothing my way) to things around the house.  Yet I was either ignoring him or giving others credit for all he was doing for me, without me ever asking this person to do anything.  Strangely my behavior didn't anger him, he just kept running ahead fixing my way, until finally, at the end, I realized what was going on, the man was God and I started crying "I love you" over and over. 

I was able to sleep in a bit because Chris had taken the day off work to go with me to my doctor's appointment and help prepare for our Michaelmas Party.  When I came downstairs, all the boys were all heading out the door to go on a bike ride "through the woods" per Jared's request.  It was odd for Jared to propose such an outing.  They had a great time and I stayed home catching up on odds and ends and enjoying the quiet time alone.

Shortly after they came back, our friend Christina arrived to watch the boys and I left them with the task of making a poster for "Pin the Tail Feather on the Goose" for the Michaelmas Party that night.  They made that and three "other" posters as I later found out. We then left for my doctor's appointment.

Chris came along on my doctor's visit because it included a sonogram to see how big Amber was.  They couldn't get a clear profile picture because she was moving and grooving so much.  However, they did notice that she has hair and hair on a sonogram is rather funny looking :-)  The estimate from the sonogram was 7lb 2oz but my OB said that had to be low.  The only thing strange about the appointment was for the first time in my life I had high blood pressure.  Chris thinks it was all the talk about putting bows in Amber's hair :-).  However, in a really cute, loving way, he wasn't taking it lightly and would have me sit and relax as much as he could the rest of the day.  He really wants her to make it to his birthday, and he worries about me enough as it is.

After the appointment, we took advantage of being alone and went out for a quick lunch date at Tijuana Flats. No hot sauce for me, too risky, as hot sauce is known to induce labor.  When we got home the boys had eaten lunch and completed their art projects.  Christina stayed around to help me organize (or at least I directed her and Chris in organizing) all the clothes issues; ie. find Lance's clothes for Jared, Jared's for Titus, get down Titus' clothes to find neutrals for Amber; get all of the other baby stuff for Amber out of the attic; put all the clothes Titus' had outgrown up in the attic and finally find someplace to put Amber's clothes. You get the idea, right? whew...  By the time all this was done, it was time for everyone to get ready to go to the Michaelmas Party.

Michaelmas is historically one of the four days in Europe in the past when servants were paid, and it was often combined with a harvest festival.  I came across it reading Jane Austen books, and it always seemed Michaelmas was the time of the year when characters in the books looked for something good to happen.  It has a lot of interesting folklore associated with it, but for us, it is just a great time to be with all of our friends in a time of fun, fellowship and food. 

When we arrived to setup the room, Chris sat me against a wall with my back to the door and my feet up, only allowing me to supervise the setup process.  Our friends started rolling in and good times were had by all. I adore Michaelmas, its so nice to see all our friends in one place together.  They are all so unique, and in most cases have no connection with each other beside being our friends.  It is amazing to watch how both the adults and kids mingle as if they were old friends.

Shortly after dinner, I moved to another table to talk with some friends, when Chris walks up behind me and announces he needs everyone's attention.  I look back and say "I'm about to be embarrassed aren't I?".  His simple reply with a wry smile was "Yes", and he continued on. He had gone into cahoots with a couple of my friends to combine Michaelmas with a Baby Shower for Amber.  It had been sixteen years since he has successfully pulled off surprising me.  I was totally clueless, didn't notice any of the near misses throughout the night and was impressed what they had done to pull it all off.  It was wonderful, I had all I could do not to cry by the kindness of the act by everyone.

After the shower, I needed to get up for a while and walked outside with a friend to see the kids and pass out the souvenir kites.  I ran into Jared and something seemed odd, so I put my hand on his chest and was a little concerned he might be having an SVT.  He is a-symptomatic when this occurs so its sometimes hard to tell without the monitor.  It was near time to leave, so we all packed up and headed home.  When we got home I asked Chris to run upstairs and get the monitor.  I was crushed to find out I was right, his pulse was 180.

One of Jared's cardiac conditions is called "Wolf Parkinson White Syndrome" which is what causes him to SVT.  SVT is simply a neuron misfiring in the heart muscle that causes the heart to beat too fast, if left untreated, the condition can be fatal.  The key is to catch it early in order to stop it (the longer it continues, the harder it is to stop) and decrease potential damage to the heart.  I asked Jared if he noticed when it started and we ascertained it was probably around 7pm.  So we called his cardiologist and began trying all the "tricks" in ours and our cardiologist's bag.

Prior to six weeks ago (August 18th), Jared had not had an episode in over two years.  Though the EKG said differently, as a mom I was starting to feel confident that God had made it go away.  When the episode happened six weeks ago, I was a little crushed but we were able to convert him at home.  The conversion process isn't fun, but in my eyes its always better than the ER.  Conversion is basically finding a way to get the heart to "reset" to a natural rhythm.  When it had happened two years ago, all we had to do was put him to sleep.  It had been many years since we had to do more.  However, when the SVT occurred on August 18th, it was in the middle of the day.  Thankfully, it was during a day when my good friend Mae was over with her kids for our joint piano lessons; beside being a great friend she's also a nurse.  First we tried to get him to rest, and per the doctor's instructions double-dosed him with one of his drugs, and when that didn't work we had to start a Vagal maneuver on him.  During all this time, Chris was biking home as fast as he could.  I HATE Vagaling.  I know we shouldn't say we hate things but in this case I have no other word to use.  One of the Vagal maneuvers is putting your child's face in a bucket of ice water for 4 seconds.  Jared was too young to remember the last time we'd had to do this, so I tried to sound cheery, and told him what we needed to do.  I told him to pretend he was a Penguin from Diego hunting for fish in a bucket of water.  He was all game until his head hit the water, then it was all over.  He was rightfully scared and resistant.  I hugged him and told him I understood but we had to do this.  Eventually I told him I would put head in at the count of three and I had to shove my sons head under water against great resistance.  Then I cuddled him close as he cried and I tried to comfort him.  Chris ran in right then and when we checked he had finally converted.  We had avoided the ER, but after the boys were in bed there was a lot of crying from the adults in the house.

So here we were again only 6 weeks later in the same position.  However, this time Jared knew what was up and he wanted nothing to do with putting his face in an ice bucket. Lance being a great big brother even put his head in once to encourage Jared to try.  Jared was not willing but nothing else had worked so Chris had to force him.  Chris was breaking his own heart in the process as he had to repeatedly push Jared's face into the bucket with Jared crying, screaming and trying to squirm away.  I sat behind the door praying and crying for both of them.  Unfortunately, this time to add insult to injury, even Vagaling did not work.  He fell asleep in our bed after this and I was hoping he might convert when he went to sleep. In the mean time, Chris called the doctor to report back our lack of success.  The doctor said we were out of time and tricks we had to go to the ER.  Waking your sleeping child to take him to the ER was just as heart wrenching as the Vagal maneuver.  Before we woke him, I called a few close friends to ask for prayer and I was nearly hysterical. Being only two weeks away from delivering, I'm sure my hormones were not helping any.  I then got it together, we woke him and headed to the hospital.  My father-in-law who had been away on vacation had arrived that evening for the Michaelmas party, so at least the rest of the boys could stay sleeping.

When we arrived at the ER, people kept assuming we were there for me and at the wrong entrance. I wonder why? ;-).  When we entered, the place was packed and there was a line at a registration desk with no one even there to help and no one at the triage desk either.  Chris took one look at this, saw the signs for the "Children's ER", said "I am NOT waiting for this", and walked right through security and up to the nurses desk carrying Jared the whole way.  He told the nurse his son was in SVT, which caused everybody to jump into action.  I had waited in the lobby, just in case we had to wait in line, but after Chris didn't come back for a while I worked my way back too.  When I got there Jared and Chris were in a room with about six other medical people, they were hooking him up to monitors and starting an IV line.  Jared was very brave and didn't get upset about the line at all.  Then Nurse "Ines" looks at Chris and I and recalls details about us being their about five years ago with Jared, Doctor "Jan" starts to recall it as well.  Sure enough this was the exact same doctor and nurse that had treated Jared the last time he was in the ER almost five years ago, and they remembered how things had proceeded.

Before trying the Adenosine, they wanted to try some Vagal maneuvers again, starting with some of the easier ones, but then having to move on to the ice water. They were all so calm and reassuring, but the ice water scares Jared immensely.  They tried it a few more times in trade for some ice cream, but the only results were a very wet bed and a very scared Jared. Jared is a very strong kid and recovered quickly. I think he realizes everyone is trying to help him. The stubborn part of him will only allow some things to be tried and nothing else. This left Adenosine as the next option.

Last time we were there, the drug did not work, and as they were preparing for using the paddles, when Jared fell asleep and his heart rhythm converted to back to normal (or God converted him, however you want to put it).

My understanding is the drug, has to make it to the heart in less than six seconds to have a chance at working and they can only try the drug a limited number of times.  On Friday night, they were down to the last try again.  This time they put a split-cock on the IV and Nurse Ines and Dr. Jan pushed through two doses back to back.  Chris was holding Jared's hand this whole time and everyone was saying encouraging words, while we stared at the monitor to see if it had worked this time. Their was a sigh of relief and lots of smiles around the room when the heart monitor showed an interruption in his heart rhythm and his pulse went progressively down from 180 to 90.  Jared was crying too at this point, apparently when it works it hurts.  He was so brave. Adenosine, when it works, causes the heart to flatline for a few seconds. This can be disconcerting to a conscious patient, and is associated with angina-like sensations in the chest.

They kept him in the ER for monitoring for another 90 minutes, during which time the doctor had kept her word and brought him some ice cream. We were discharged and arrived home around 2am.  When he converted, there are no words of thanks enough to God, the medical staff and the people all over the country we knew were praying at that moment for our precious little son.  That brings me to the blessing part of this post.

BLESSINGS

1. My dream set the stage for the day, reminding me God is always with us and working for our good whether we recognize it or not. He loves us immeasurably.  An important thing to be remember later that day.
2. Chris' job has been in limbo for a year, while waiting on the government to make a decision on which company was going to continue the contract he has worked on the past 10 years.  September 30th they finally confirmed his company was going to keep the contract for another five years.
3. The above is a double-blessing.  First, having a job and second, being at the same company for 12 years, he has built up a lot of seniority and subsequently a lot of vacation time and that lets him take days off almost at will, like Friday.
4. Chris being able to spend quality time in the morning enjoying time with his boys on a bike riding adventure.
5. Having a high blood pressure reading at the doctor.  If I had not, I might have ruined the surprise baby shower by being everywhere and talking to everybody like I normally am.  Also, I would not have rested as much during the day and never had the energy to survive the night ahead.  Ironically my BP is now back to normal.
6. Having someone like Christina to watch the boys.  Not only did it allow Chris to come with me to the appointment, it also allowed us some time together to charge up our relationship.  This was also important later that night, to get though it calmly and in unity.
7. A friend's baby girl fell asleep at the party.  She said she knew that meant she would be up late that night.  However, she said she used to get upset about things like that until she realized its all part of God's plan and just tries to find something she likes to do when her babies are up late.  Knowing she was going to be up late that night, allowed me to call her and reach out to ask for prayers.
8. Being connected in such a loving manner at the Michaelmas Party with our friends is what gave me the strength to call and ask for prayers that night.  As it was revealed to us how many people had prayed for Jared that night, we were both greatly humbled and thankful knowing that only He can truly heal.
9. Not being able to convert Jared at home.  I think I had started to believe, after avoiding the hospital for five years, that we could control his condition ourselves.  This was a gentle reminder that only He is in control.
10. Having all the right people in place at the hospital.  This has been the story of Jared's life. What are the odds of having the same nurse and doctor and having them remember you and the details of your son's case after five years?
11. Having Chris for my husband and friend.  Chris is usually very, very easy going and unassuming but at the hospital he was taking no prisoners and presented a force to be reckoned with.  That allowed me to sit back, comforted in his love and leadership.
12. Jared having two SVTs recently.  It's a reminder what really matters and that we should never take a single moment in time for granted.  I find myself cherishing all my children more and taking the time to stop what ever I'm doing to respect them as the priority they should be in my life.

Change of Plans

This pregnancy has been really hard both physically and emotionally.  I'm not sure if its because she's a girl, I'm over forty, its my fourth, I'm chasing/homeschooling three active boys, or something else.  What I do know is that its taken its toll not only me but our family and our homeschooling journey as well.

I just came in from our backyard/courtyard where the boys and I had breakfast and read the Bible.  I came in because I realized I didn't have an ounce of energy to tackle the weeds and the boys wanted to play in the water and with the water hose.  I came in also with the realization that the "New Plan" Chris and I discussed last night for the remainder of the year was a must, not an option.

The "New Plan" has been partially motivated by some interesting articles I've read lately, and all seem to have a similar theme.  Here are the two that were the most impacting: A "Jump Start" to Joyful School Year and  You ARE the Best Mom for Your Kids. These articles also have links to a number of other articles that delve into why we homeschool.  The simple answer being to "train them up in the ways of the Lord" and to give them the best education and childhood possible.  Then last night I read this: Charlotte Mason Gave our Homeschool Wings. It wasn't that it was anything new, it was just a reinforcement of ideas I had been thinking about for a while.   I've read a number of books about the CM method and been intrigued.  I've tried some of it out; adding copywork, hanging up pieces of art for the boys to appreciate, listening to classical music, focusing on living books to read and avoiding twaddle.  However, it hadn't given me wings, it just added to my large pile of homeschooling "To dos".

The second motivator for change was that this week was not one of my "best mom of the year" weeks.  I lost my temper, my patience and yelled a number of times.  Each time I apologized to the kids and said I hadn't set a good example, which is good but not doing it would have been better.  I could easily blame it on hormones, I could blame it on some very stressful events the week before but I've never been much into blaming anything or anyone for what I do.  The thought kept coming back to me of what a friend had said at a bible study this summer: "the things that anger us, are the things that get in the way of our false idols".  The false idol of Control has been an issue I've knowingly battled for a long time but this time I felt it was something more.  I realized I'm not enjoying my boys as much as I want to or as much as they deserve to be lately.  I have three incredible kids and I'm not sure they always know I feel that way.

In addition, this summer we chose to have some fun, which meant homeschooling only two to three days a week, instead of five.  That choice really put us behind "The Plan" from where I wanted us to be by this time, and its been stressing me out.  I worried if I was "behind" now how would we ever make it when the new baby came.

Then yesterday was the first day of Classical Conversations for the year, spending the morning there, we came straight home to three hours of piano lessons.  The piano lessons are more than just lessons they are also playtime with our best friends.  A wonderful woman comes to my house and teaches my two oldest and also my friend's two children. When they aren't in lessons the kid's play.  After this, I should have finished the day with Karate lessons but I stopped short.  Chris was home to start his evening role of "Super Dad" and I was ready to decompress from our busy day. 

As I decompressed, I realized I needed to let go of some stuff I was holding on to.  I was guilty of trying to create public/private school at home, and that was not what I really wanted to do.  We live in a state that only requires that your child "show progress" each year and nothing more.  A fact I often remind other moms when they get stressed out about homeschooling but often forget to remind myself.  I was letting myself be weighed down by standards and opinions that were either not there or not mine.  I felt pressured to put in a five day school week, to finish each curricula and do everything in them by the end of the year.  The fact that my boys were above their grades and doing subjects seldom done in public/private schools, seemed to be irrelevant in my past thinking.

Thankfully, last night I was finally broken down enough to listen and see things for what they were and to let go of these unreasonable and unnecessary standards/pressures.  I have let go of worrying about doing all the exercises is every book and accepted the fact we will not finish some curricula this year. I hope it means we'll have more joy together doing what we do, that we'll enjoy more time cuddled up on the couch reading and talking together.  

This is how I see the "New Plan" working.  I have reserved Fridays as a new day of doing the Fine Art projects my boys so enjoy.  Also I will take Friday as a day for me to catch up on life while the boys play and enjoy each other.  We will review CC each day of the work week (only about 15 min per day).  However, we will only do the traditional subjects (Math/Language Arts) three days a week; Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.  We completed Science this summer so we'll have to see how that works into the schedule in the spring.  History will happen with a focus more on living books and discussion time as a family.  Most importantly we will live by a standard of GRACE, to each other and ourselves.  Allowing God to interrupt our day and worshiping Him and not our schedule.  My prayer is this will bring the "joy" back into our homeschooling journey, that homeschooling will stop being a check box and become an enjoyable way to learn and grow, just like I always wanted it to be.

False Idol of Control

This week, in my women's bible study, we were challenged to identify the false idols in our lives that were keeping us from an intimate relationship with God.  Upon meditation it became clear my biggest false idol is "Control".

A few years before my oldest son was born, I became the "Controller" of a publicly held company.  When I achieved that title, I remember Chris joking that I had finally gotten the title I deserved.  

Then six years ago my second son was born with a life threatening condition.  Nothing brings you closer to your own helplessness than having a child in such a situation.  Thankfully for us, it also brought us keenly aware that we were not in control but God was and we leaned on him hard.  That was the beginning of God helping me take down the strongholds of "Control" in my life.

Last year through some personal tragedy, God helped me step down from the board I was on and every other position of leadership.  Positions I had kept because of my need to control.  My background thought had been God isn't big enough or doesn't care enough about the small stuff, I must take control.  Wrong!

January 8th of this year, He did something only He could do.  Through unimaginable circumstances, he gave us no choice but to shut down our personal business in a short 24 hour period.

Then for fun He is giving us a baby girl in October.  You may wonder what that has to do with control, but you'd laugh at the things we tried to make sure our oldest was a boy.  We frequently laugh at ourselves now.  Then after three boys, statistically we should have been in the clear for another boy.  Ooops!  Go figure, statistics once again mean nothing in real life.  We were shocked a bit at first but couldn't be more excited now (By the way we have decided on a name "Amber Elizabeth" and we ironically expect her around Chris' birthday).  It's just another example of God's incredible love, and a reminder His plans are always better than our plans.

I realized this week the last big stronghold "Control" has in my life is in how I interact with my children.  I read or was told a while back to ask yourself this question:  "Are you disciplining for disobedience or inconvenience?".  The point being if the latter, you are out of line.  My devotion time this week conveniently covered the topic of manipulation (just another name for control in my book).  I was convicted that I am too often trying to manipulate my children, instead of directing and leading them.  Once again the hidden message is that I don't trust God.  This is going to be a struggle to change but I now understand the change doesn't have to come from more effort by me but more trust by me to let God change me.  Strange sometimes how God offers us an easier way to solve our issues but so often we'd rather just work harder on our own to no avail.

Saturday was a good first step.  Chris and I decided Friday night that if we woke up in time we would take the boys to the beach in the morning.  We did, so we did.  It was a perfect day, slightly overcast and only in the mid 80s.  I got Jared into his wetsuit without a fight, because I worked with him and smiled.  The trend of smiling continued through the day.  We gave them tips on improving their boogie board rides but let them do it their own way when the wanted and more importantly smiled (not frowned) when they did.  My heart is full at how often I found myself smiling and saw my boys smiling today.  We swam, built cone castles, Chris taught them about erosion, we had an awesome time and no corrections were made the whole time.  We even gave in to a rare treat in our house, a stop at Chick-Fil-A on the way home.

I know all days will not be like this.  There will be days I fall back into my controlling routine, or I let them push me there, but now I know what it can be like to be free.  To let God truly be in control for a day and rest is Him and I must say I really liked it.

Almost Nirvana

I put Titus in "Mommy & Me" swim lessons M-W-F of this week and next.  The lessons are at a friends house about 45 min away.  My older two boys spend the time playing with the older siblings of the kids in Titus' class.  Lessons are going great and all boys are having fun.  Lessons are at 10am, so that means we leave around 9:15am and get home around 11:45am, which takes a good chunk out of our day.  I didn't take into account the total time this would take out of our day when I signed up.

In addition to the total time away from home, apparently playing with Legos and watching their little brother swim has my older boys too wiped out to be productive in their school work.  Add a doctors appointment for me and Amber on Tuesday, and you have what could have been one unproductive week.

I could have tried to force productivity on the boys (like that would have worked) but instead I decided to make lemonade.  Not literally but figuratively.  We have had a Spanish intensive week, i.e. they've watched their Spanish Lessons videos much more than normal and we've managed only two days of Math.  The rest of the time I've had the boys help with chores or play.  I on the other hand, have been in a get things sorted/organized rampage, along with a "to do" slashing marathon!  As I type you can currently see all my kitchen counters for the first time in seven years, and not because I hid things.  You can see the floor in my bedroom.  There are NO laundry baskets full of laundry to be put away anywhere (Generally we live out of the laundry baskets because things never seem to get put away).  I cleaned out my email, paid bills, filed papers, etc.  I almost feel caught up on life (as long as I ignore what's left on my "To-do" list).  However, based on the noise the boys are making downstairs, I'm sure things are already out of order, but for a moment I had a quick glimpse of organizational Nirvana :-)

Keeping it real....

My kids seem to take turns making me feel like a complete failure as a parent.  I guess I should be thankful that they don't gang up all at once.  As I look back on the year to issues with a different son, I know this challenging period with another son will also pass but it's hard see sometimes from the middle of it all.  

I've read so MANY books on different theories of child training since my oldest was born, I'm saturated in their theories.  Half the theories lack implementation details and others don't seem to work with my kids or with me, not sure which.  Only thing that rings true is from a devotional that I've been reading which simply states the purpose of life is "receiving God's love, and then channeling that love into the lives of those around us....God wants me to be a caring person".  Not as grandiose a purpose as can be found in many other popular sellers but I believe it might just be that humble and simple.  To me caring means putting the needs of others before my own, and then doing something about their needs.  I wasn't taught to be this kind of caring person but I need to be that person.  I think as a mother it starts with caring first for my family, they are the most important people God has put in my life and they need to take priority.  

I have great kids, compared to many others they are angels but its not my personality to settle or compare.  I hold myself and my boys to a higher standard, to be men of great character, that don't miss out on God's purpose and blessings for their life.  It's a tall order for someone who's missed out on so much and missed the purpose for so long, to lead those precious gifts down a road I've never traveled.  I think this is when homeschooling is really hard.  Your kids are with you 24/7, no break.  I'm not just their mother, house keeper, cook and chauffeur, I'm their teacher too.  However, on the flip side I don't think if they were in school I'd have any hope of helping mold them into the men they were meant to be.  There simply wouldn't be enough time.  

My husband recently told me of a different definition of complaining.  He said complaining isn't stating that things are wrong, that's just fact.  Complaining is wishing life was different, or in my words, not being content in the here and now.  So I guess I will go back downstairs, put a smile on my face and just love on my boys today in the here and now, try to leave the past in the past, and as Matthew writes "let tomorrow take care of itself". 

Grow Box Drop-out

As the boys and I were eating lunch out back I was reminded that my green thumb does not extend to grow boxes.

Grow boxes are these neat boxes, that are suppose to let you have a huge luscious garden in a small area.  (See the promotional picture above)

I'd like to say this is my first year trying them but I'm embarrassed to say how many years I have tried them and never achieved anything close to the above.  I thought this year I would simplify and only grow tomatoes and cucumbers.  Maybe this would produce better results.  I've tried using their fertilizer and following their directions in the past (didn't work).  This year I tried going organic and using actual tomato fertilizer.  Well this is what I currently have...

Once again not quite the same as the promotional.  And what's with the cucumber dragging all over the ground?  I thought when I bought a "Bush Cucumber" it would grow in a bush, now I'm starting to think its a "name" not a growing habit, i.e. a "Smith Cucumber".  Bother, very misleading.  However, despite their pathetic appearance, they are serving their main purpose...

He picks...

He eats...

He picks... (notice evidence of previous picks on his belly)

and he eats some more :-)

....to provide Titus a nutritious snack in the backyard.  As you can see he likes them, and is not turned off by their sorry appearance.  He even knows to pick "only red" ones.  (The captions remind me Disney flick, but I guess I should have typed "he comes, he eats, he leaves")

I'm sure my success is not proportional to the amount of time I spend on them....hmmm.  Well they'll just have to join the rest of the plants in my backyard in the survival of fittest category.

If anyone has some tips to make these work for a lazy gardener, please let me know.