Change of Plans

This pregnancy has been really hard both physically and emotionally.  I'm not sure if its because she's a girl, I'm over forty, its my fourth, I'm chasing/homeschooling three active boys, or something else.  What I do know is that its taken its toll not only me but our family and our homeschooling journey as well.

I just came in from our backyard/courtyard where the boys and I had breakfast and read the Bible.  I came in because I realized I didn't have an ounce of energy to tackle the weeds and the boys wanted to play in the water and with the water hose.  I came in also with the realization that the "New Plan" Chris and I discussed last night for the remainder of the year was a must, not an option.

The "New Plan" has been partially motivated by some interesting articles I've read lately, and all seem to have a similar theme.  Here are the two that were the most impacting: A "Jump Start" to Joyful School Year and  You ARE the Best Mom for Your Kids. These articles also have links to a number of other articles that delve into why we homeschool.  The simple answer being to "train them up in the ways of the Lord" and to give them the best education and childhood possible.  Then last night I read this: Charlotte Mason Gave our Homeschool Wings. It wasn't that it was anything new, it was just a reinforcement of ideas I had been thinking about for a while.   I've read a number of books about the CM method and been intrigued.  I've tried some of it out; adding copywork, hanging up pieces of art for the boys to appreciate, listening to classical music, focusing on living books to read and avoiding twaddle.  However, it hadn't given me wings, it just added to my large pile of homeschooling "To dos".

The second motivator for change was that this week was not one of my "best mom of the year" weeks.  I lost my temper, my patience and yelled a number of times.  Each time I apologized to the kids and said I hadn't set a good example, which is good but not doing it would have been better.  I could easily blame it on hormones, I could blame it on some very stressful events the week before but I've never been much into blaming anything or anyone for what I do.  The thought kept coming back to me of what a friend had said at a bible study this summer: "the things that anger us, are the things that get in the way of our false idols".  The false idol of Control has been an issue I've knowingly battled for a long time but this time I felt it was something more.  I realized I'm not enjoying my boys as much as I want to or as much as they deserve to be lately.  I have three incredible kids and I'm not sure they always know I feel that way.

In addition, this summer we chose to have some fun, which meant homeschooling only two to three days a week, instead of five.  That choice really put us behind "The Plan" from where I wanted us to be by this time, and its been stressing me out.  I worried if I was "behind" now how would we ever make it when the new baby came.

Then yesterday was the first day of Classical Conversations for the year, spending the morning there, we came straight home to three hours of piano lessons.  The piano lessons are more than just lessons they are also playtime with our best friends.  A wonderful woman comes to my house and teaches my two oldest and also my friend's two children. When they aren't in lessons the kid's play.  After this, I should have finished the day with Karate lessons but I stopped short.  Chris was home to start his evening role of "Super Dad" and I was ready to decompress from our busy day. 

As I decompressed, I realized I needed to let go of some stuff I was holding on to.  I was guilty of trying to create public/private school at home, and that was not what I really wanted to do.  We live in a state that only requires that your child "show progress" each year and nothing more.  A fact I often remind other moms when they get stressed out about homeschooling but often forget to remind myself.  I was letting myself be weighed down by standards and opinions that were either not there or not mine.  I felt pressured to put in a five day school week, to finish each curricula and do everything in them by the end of the year.  The fact that my boys were above their grades and doing subjects seldom done in public/private schools, seemed to be irrelevant in my past thinking.

Thankfully, last night I was finally broken down enough to listen and see things for what they were and to let go of these unreasonable and unnecessary standards/pressures.  I have let go of worrying about doing all the exercises is every book and accepted the fact we will not finish some curricula this year. I hope it means we'll have more joy together doing what we do, that we'll enjoy more time cuddled up on the couch reading and talking together.  

This is how I see the "New Plan" working.  I have reserved Fridays as a new day of doing the Fine Art projects my boys so enjoy.  Also I will take Friday as a day for me to catch up on life while the boys play and enjoy each other.  We will review CC each day of the work week (only about 15 min per day).  However, we will only do the traditional subjects (Math/Language Arts) three days a week; Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.  We completed Science this summer so we'll have to see how that works into the schedule in the spring.  History will happen with a focus more on living books and discussion time as a family.  Most importantly we will live by a standard of GRACE, to each other and ourselves.  Allowing God to interrupt our day and worshiping Him and not our schedule.  My prayer is this will bring the "joy" back into our homeschooling journey, that homeschooling will stop being a check box and become an enjoyable way to learn and grow, just like I always wanted it to be.